Boarding School Blues
by x0LoveNotex0
Summary: We're very normal manly men. What about you guys?” Two friends pretend to be guys at the Newsies school.Written w I'mSoHollywood!
1. First Period: GYM

**This is Note and Hollywood. Yeah. Here's Our first amazing Newsies fanfic! Prepare to be blown away.**

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Newsies, this makes us sad. Please don't sue us, 'cause we'll get mad. (umm I know you are jealous of our sweet little ryhme)

Chapter 1:

Note glanced irritably over at Hollywood and let out an annoyed sigh. "I told you this was a bad idea," she whispered.

"No you didn't. And it's not a bad idea."

"Umm…what part of 'changing for gym' did you not get? Sounds like a bad idea to me."

Hollywood looked at her and gave Note her best 'patronizing' look. "Stop being so negative, We're not going to get caught, you loser!" Hollywood dragged her to their new gym lockers, scooped up their uniforms, and shoved Note, ever so gently, into a bathroom stall.

Once Note was safely locked in the cubicle, Hollywood turned around and smiled at the other occupants of the room. "We never changed in front of other people at our old school." Her fake male voice made Note gag. "We're just ummm….shy! Yeah." She disappeared into the other stall.

Note, sitting miserably in her stall, was feeling a little overwhelmed. I mean, who wouldn't be, in her situation? Hollywood was insane. That was a fact. The problem was, Note hadn't imagined she could be in this situation when she'd let Hollywood see She's the Man. Now, suddenly she and Hollywood were entering an all boys boarding school-in NYC, of all places! Now, she had nothing against the city, it was just that she was from Michigan and not New York.

She wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but Hollywood had talked her-and their parents-in to letting them go to all boys boarding school in NYC. So now, instead of being fast asleep in Michigan, she was wide awake and wearing a horrible uniform, made for guys. See, that was the worst bit. They were pretending to be guys.

The school administration had thought that it was a great idea, because they were a little worried the students were becoming a little disrespectful to the opposite sex, since they were hardly ever around girls. This way, Headmaster Pulitzer had said, the boys will have to learn that girls can do everything boys can.

Outside, the door to the locker room banged open. Vice Principal Snyder stood there, panting. He glared at one of the boys before saying, "Where are the new students?"

"We're in," Hollywood called in her regular voice. She coughed loudly and lowered her voice a few octaves. In the other stall, Note smacked her forehead and practically died laughing. "Bathroom," finished Hollywood.

"Ah, well, come with me. You two already _fulfilled_ your gym requirement, so there's no need to take this class."

Inside the stalls, the two girls sighed with relief. They both had no sport skills, whatsoever. They quickly changed into their guy clothes and left at the same time.

They walked out of the stalls and saw a lot half-dressed, very good-looking guys, who were staring at them. Hollywood grinned to herself before she realized that they couldn't possibly be staring at her because they thought she was hot. Darn, this venture was not without its drawbacks.


	2. First Impressions

**Disclaimer:**Again, we do not own Newsies. If we did, why would we waste our time writing fanfics?

Unsure of what to do now that they had been released from the horror that is gym class, the two girls lingered in the locker room. They tried not to stare at the guys' chests long enough to make it obvious.

"Hey, uhh, Duuuuuudes! Wazzup?" Note began her first male bonding experience. "I'm ummmmmmmm….."

"That's Mark. Yeah. He's a pretty sweet _guy_. Yep. What a player," interjected Hollywood.

"Shut up, ho. I mean _bro_. That's Mike. And I'm Mark. And we're very normal manly men. What about you guys?" Note asked, trying to make her voice sound manly, but she ended up sounding pretty much like Hollywood's male voice, which sounded like an elephant on crack.

The nicest way to describe the looks on their fellow pupils' faces would've been astonishment. The most accurate description of the looks the two masquerading amigas got would have to have been scared and confused.

Hollywood elbowed Note. "I think that definitely made them like us."

Note glared at her. "Oh yeah. We'll be the most _popular_ guys in school. Just like in She's the Man, right?" Note said sarcastically.

Before Hollywood could reply, one of the real guys in the room with piercing blue-gray eyes entered the dialogue. "What?" He asked incredulously, edging towards the door discreetly.

Another male with a red bandana around his neck joined him in his subtle journey for the door. "Who are you guys?"

Hollywood turned around excitedly. "See! They think-"

She was cut off by Note's hand. Hollywood licked Note's palm, but she held on. "Yeah, you've made your point, Sweetie," she hissed. Hollywood then proceeded to bite Note's fingers, causing her to curse loudly. "Ahh! Dammit, bitch! I mean jackass," she finished, um, convincingly.

Another boy, whose amazing facial features were not marred by his eyepatch called from the congregation by the door, "Soooo, are you guys, like, transfer students or something?"

Note shot Hollywood a warning glance before she could mention loudly the fact that he had called them guys, which meant they were _totally_ accepted.

Hollywood stuck her nose in the air and answered him. "Why yes we are, brotha."

A cheerful looking boy with a nice chest, not that they were looking or anything, and curly brown hair asked, "Where are you guys from?"

"Michigan," Note replied

"L. A." Hollywood said at the same time.

They looked at each other in a panic. Note decided to improvise. "You know? Los Angeles, Michigan. Right by Bloomfield Hills."

By the time she'd finished, the only other person in the room was Hollywood.

Hollywood looked at her and grinned. "So, I think they really like us!"


	3. Withdrawal Symptoms

**Disclaimer: **I don't understand the point of these things. I mean, come on, you've probably figured out by now that _we don't own Newsies_!

After the fiasco that was first period gym, Note and Hollywood had English. Honors American Literature, to be exact.

"Do I remember signing up for this class?" Hollywood asked Note.

Note rolled her eyes. "Ummm…what?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just way bored and….HEY! If our teacher doesn't show up in, like, a minute, we can leave!"

"Definitely, _Mike_. Great way to make them like us. You should be, like, a social counselor."

"Yeah! So let's go! C'mon, live a little!" She stood up, completely serious.

At that moment, the teacher, a weak-looking man named "Mr. Denton," or so it said on the chalk board walked in. Only, it wasn't a man.

Hollywood looked confused. "I thought we were the only ones pretending to be guys."

Note shot a nervous glance around the room. "What are you talking about, _Mike_, we're normal, manly, testosterone filled men. We should be on, like, a Manwich commercial or something."

Everyone in the room stared at her. One guy, with a pack of cards in his hand, said, "Yeah. Or something." Everyone laughed.

Hollywood was still confused. "So," she asked the teacher, rather coyly she thought. "Are you a man? 'Cause if you're not, why are you in here? I mean, you don't quite give off that aura, y'know." She flashed "him" a winning smile, proud that she had said the entire thing in her "guy voice."

"Mr. Denton" glared at her. "What is your problem? I'm the assistant teacher, Sarah Jacobs."

Someone started coughing, but the cough sound remarkably like the word "bitch."

"And you may call me Ms. Jacobs."

Suddenly, from the back of the room came an astonished yell. "Gross, Jack, you slept with her? You are such man whore!"

Ms. Jacob's eyes widened and she turned bright red. The boy with the bandana who they had seen in gym started laughing at her.

"And what do you think is so funny, Mr. Sullivan?" she asked coldly.

"Aw, come on, Sarah, call me Jack. Jack Kelly."

She glared at him and went to the desk and pretended to be busy looking through the drawers.

The boy with the cards smirked and said, "Hey Jack, I think she's having withdrawal symptoms."

Hollywood and I were laughing as we wrote this chapter. She was like "Sarah's gotta be in there and she has to be a slut!" It was really fun writing Sarah.

Okay.Don't forget to review!


	4. Great Expectations

**Boarding School Blues**

_Updated 8-7-06_

**Disclaimer: We don't own newsies**

Twenty minutes after English had begun, the _real _Mr. Denton decided to show up. The boy sitting nearest to the teacher's desk smiled. "Hello Mr. Denton!" He greeted the teacher enthusiastically.

"Hello, David."

Hollywood glowered at David. "Suck up," she muttered under her breath.

Note elbowed her. "Shut up!" she hissed, ignoring her friends cry of outrage. "I am not getting in trouble on the first day!"

"Would the two young men gabbing in the corner please stop and pay attention?" Mr. Denton reprimanded them, grinning a little. "Now we are going to discuss the book Great Expectations by Charles Dickens."

"I hate you. I swear this is your fault." Note tried to kill Hollywood with her glare. She failed. Damn.

"Shh. I'm trying to pay attention," Hollywood whispered, with a perfectly straight face.

"Seriously, shut up, guys." The annoying suck up David was looking back at them, condescendingly. "Some of us are trying to learn."

"Yeah? Well some of us are just tired from being up all night with your mom." Hollywood smirked victoriously as David's jaw went up, and down, and up, and down, and up…yeah so you get the idea.

"Ohhhh, it burns!" Jack shouted, grinning.

"Oh, be quiet, Cowboy. You're just sad because the only action you get is from his sister." The blue-eyed boy snapped.

"Yeah! What a whore!" The kid with the eye-patch joined the class discussion.

"Hey, I can fail you!" Sarah glared at him. "Unless, of course, you give me a reason not to." She folded her arms to give herself more cleavage.

A few boys made retching noises. Eye-patch kid smirked. "And you just proved my point."

Sarah pouted, and looked hopefully at Denton for backup. He glanced at her and shrugged. He wasn't about to defend her. She was a slut.

David was still sitting there looking downcast. Not because his sister had just been degraded in front of his entire class, and not even because of the crack at his mommy. Nope, David was sad because there was only 15 minutes left of class and they hadn't even begun to discuss Great Expectations. He was sure that his willingness to answer every question without being asked, and his love of the wonderful novel would finally win him the approval of the other boys in the class.

Mr. Denton cleared his throat and adjusted his cheerful red tie. "It appears we have two new students in class today, Mike? Mark? Would you two please stand?"

Note got up quickly. Hollywood, on the other hand, did not. She slowly pulled herself to her feet, trying to smile flirtatiously at the guys. Note smacked her arm. "Quit acting like such a girl!"

The guys grinned, finally these weirdos were saying something normal!

"God! I'm not acting like a girl!" Hollywood glared at Note.

"You are."

"I so am not."

"You so are."

"Boys!" Mr. Denton tried to cut in.

"Am not."

"Are too!"

"Boys, please!" Again, Mr. Denton.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Boys, stop this instant!" Poor, poor Mr. Denton.

"Are—Wait, are you talking to us?" Note asked, distracted.

"He's not talking to us, we're not boys!" Hollywood was clearly confused.

"You're right, _Mike_! We're men!" Note covered hastily.

The bell rang, cutting the pointless conversation short. Note grabbed Hollywood and dragged her out the door. "Bye, Mr. Denton! Great class, learned a lot!"

AN: Sorry! It's been forever since we updated! We've had part of this chapter done for like 3 weeks but we never had a chance to finish it...

**Leave us a review!**


	5. Minor Setbacks

**Boarding School Blues**

_A novel by Hollywood and Note _

**Posted: Jan 1, 2007!**

Note sighed as she dramatically fell on to the bed, dislodging her boy-wig. Following her example, Hollywood threw her hairpiece onto the floor, making the previously clean floor look like it had two very hairy spiders on it.

"Damn, this wig is so hot", Hollywood scratched her head furiously, "and not even in like an _attractive _way. It's more like the devil is camping out on my head."

Note ignored her friend's rambling and sighed for the second time. Hollywood glared, "What crawled up your butt and died?" she asked tactfully.

Note sighed again. "Well, doesn't this seem a little bit stupid? I mean these guys all think that we're mental."

Hollywood's eyes got very wide. "What do you mean they think we're mental? I thought we were getting along great!"

Note grabbed her shoulders. "Babe, we walked into the bathroom and they all ran away. **THEY RAN AWAY**."

"Minor setback. They just have to get used to us. But maybe we are missing something." Hollywood thought for a moment. "Hey, I know! Let's check the internet!"

Just like that, Hollywood was typing "she's the man" in the little typing box thingy, with Note ranting above her. "What do you think we're going to find? A manual to how to be a guy?"

Hollywood scrolled through the search result. 'Official movie site..blah blah.., hey wait a minute..'

"What's 'fanfiction'?" She cut through Notes chattering. There was silence for a moment. Note finally spoke up. "Hmm, I think I heard of it. It's like where nerds go to write stories about their favorite movies and books and stuff for other nerds to read."

Hollywood laughed, "Ew, who would go on _that?_"

Lunchtime 

Note and Hollywood made their way to a table half-full of guys who looked pretty friendly, well; at least they weren't trying to inconspicuously disappear like some of the others. They were looking _welcomingly terrified. _Hollywood sat down next to the closest good looking one and smiled flirtatiously, before remembering she was a _guy_ and quickly saying, "Pound it, bro!" and sticking her fist in his face. "I'm Mark."

Note kicked her under the table. "What the hell do you mean, MIKE???? I'm MARK!"

The boy's eyes shifted from his lunch, to _Mike's_ fist, which was still in his face, and then back to his lunch. "Umm, yeah. I have to go…"

His escape was cut off as another terrifying sight came into view. It was the theater director Medda, and she was _smiling_. A vision of the clown from It flashed through Note's head.

"Hello boys! It's my pleasure to tell you that auditions for our school musical have begun! Also, after the severe and surprising lack of interest last semester, Headmaster Pulitzer and I have decided that auditions will be _required_!" A reverberating groan could be heard throughout the entire lunchroom, Medda took it a show of enthusiasm, "Auditions will be held in the auditorium in precisely one hour!" With that, she left the room, leaving stunned silence behind.

The boy next to Hollywood scowled deeply at his plate. "This fucking sucks."

Next to him, eye patch kid yelled "They can't do this to me, Jack!"

"Alright guys, calm down. There's nothing we can really do about it. Unless..we want to go on strike.." The boy in the cowboy hat looked hopeful.

"Nah," One boy looked up from his oatmeal. "That didn't work when we wanted to get out of swimming for gym"

"Or when we didn't want to do our final exam for English last year, remember? We all had to take summer school."

"Yeah, or when-"

"Alright, alright, I get it. We won't go on strike. I guess we'll just do the stinking auditions," Jack glanced at the clock, "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I've kinda lost my appetite. Lets get out of here."

The boys all quickly left the table. Hollywood looked happily at Note, "So, I personally think that went very well!"

Note looked at her skeptically, "Umm, babe. They didn't talk to us."

"Yes.." Hollywood stretched it out, "but they also didn't run away from us.

Note laughed, "True, true. So what do you think of these auditions?"

"Ehh," Hollywood shrugged, "they couldn't be all that bad."

Medda clapped her hands together, drawing attention to her obviously dyed red hair. "Alright! We are going to have a short singing and dancing audition. I don't want to tell you which musical we are performing because I don't want to hinder your natural, pure actor inside of all of you." She attempted to catch each boys' eyes, which caused her to look slightly like a demon. Some of the younger boys burst into tears and wet themselves. "Now!" She clapped her hands again. "Let's begin."

"So, how do you think you did, Mi-Mar-Man?" Hollywood asked as the two left the auditorium.

"I have no idea. I was kinda distracted by that-that _thing_ on her head! I thought we were the only people wearing wigs." Note added the last part in a whisper.

"Psh, I personally know I totally nailed it. But that's just me. Hey, wouldn't it be totally ironic if we both got the lead girl parts? That would be so funny." Hollywood looked excited at the thought. "Maybe it will be a romance, _ohh_, I hope that that kid with the eye patch gets the male lead…"

"Woahh, have you totally forgotten why we're here? We're supposed to act like guys. I am pretty sure this isn't how guys act." Note rolled her eyes.

"Oh", Hollywood thought for a moment, "So, dawg, have you gotten any ass lately?"

Note was saved a reply as Medda's voice came over the PA system. "The results are in! All students must report to the auditorium."

After the shuffling of feet died down, Medda cleared her throat and stepped onto the stage. "Well, I know that all of you are very excited to find out what musical this is, so without further ado, it's my great pleasure to tell you that we will be performing…."

**AN: Cliffy! Dude, I am so sorry! We haven't posted in an embarrassingly long time. But we already have the next chapter started! So expect it soon!**

**PS. I (Hollywood) worked veryy hard on this chapter, so remember to reviewww! **


	6. The Start of Something New

**The Start of Something New**

_Posted : 1/13/07_

**Disclaimer: We own nothingg**

_After the shuffling of feet died down, Medda cleared her throat and stepped onto the stage. "Well, I know that all of you are very excited to find out what musical this is, so without further ado, it's my great pleasure to tell you that we will be performing…."_

"High School Musical! Now, shush!" She scolded the already silent room. "Now, I know you're all very excited, but we must remember to 'keep our head's in the game!'" She dissolved into high-pitched, screechy laughter. Everyone else just looked kind of ill.

Principal Pulitzer stepped out onto the stage. "Er…yes. The cast list will be posted tonight after dinner."

Medda, never one to take the back stage, interrupted, "And I expect every cast member to come see me in my office at 5:30 AM tomorrow morning for an early practice. Now, everyone, enjoy the rest of their day!"

"Now remember, WE ARE GUYS!" Note checked to make sure Hollywood's wig was firmly in place.

"Okay, I think I got that. We're guys." Hollywood contemplated this "new" piece of information.

"And now we're going to be in _different _classes, so you'll have to remember who you are."

Hollywood glared. "Stop talking to me like I'm four," she cried, holding up five fingers. "I know who I am supposed to be: Mike Baxter."

"Nooo, honey, you're Mike _Borden._ We are sooooo screwed." Note slumped against the wall.

"No, we're not! I don't why you'd say that. What class are you going to?"

Note lifted her head from her hands. "Fashion Fabrics."

Hollywood scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Note," she said condescendingly, "we're supposed to be _guys_."

Note knew this was a weird class to be taking in an all-boys school, but she and Hollywood had applied late. They ended up with all the extra, unpopular electives. She was reaching for the door to the classroom when she dropped her pen. She picked it up, and started to straighten up.

SMACK!

"Owwwwwww," Note said dazedly from the floor, tenderly feeling her forehead to make sure it was still all there and not scattered on the ground somewhere.

A boy in a bright blue shirt stormed out of the classroom. "You are fucking kidding me if you think I am going to take this class. I am a _guy_, and last time I checked, guys aren't supposed to sew!"

"Now, Spot," the boy Note remembered as David followed him out of the classroom, "I am a guy, and I proudly signed up for this class, for the art of sewing is beautiful."

"Ok, ok!" Spot looked panicked, "Here's what I'll do. I'll just go complain. They can't really kick me out of Woods and Metals just for a little fire, right?"

This whole time Note had been watching the exchange crouching on the floor. But as her legs began to cramp she stood up, drawing the attention of the two boys.

"Oh, it's _you_." David looked dismayed. Note remembered the encounter between him and Hollywood in English class. "Why are you here?"

"For the beautiful art of sewing," Note said sarcastically. "What do you think?"

David looked affronted, while Spot looked mildly amused. "Nice one. Pound it." He stuck out his fist, and Note tapped it with her own. This just might work out, Note thought.

Hollywood checked the numbers on the door for a second time; she had already barged into three of the wrong rooms and didn't want to do it again. 1974, ok, here goes nothing. The door banged shut behind her and everyone in the room looked over, after getting lost so many times, she was definitely late.

"Michael Borden, I presume?" The teacher looked up from roll call. "Welcome to Arts of Pastry and Dessert Prep. You can join table four."

Hollywood followed the teacher's finger to a table in the back, filled with three boys. _Remember...you're a guy_, Note's voice filled her head. Taking a deep breath, Hollywood nodded. Ok, she could do this.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Hollywood slid into her seat. Just because they were all the most attractive things she had ever seen doesn't mean she couldn't act professional about it.

"Hey, you're one of the new guys, right? My names Jack, and this here is Skitts and Kid." The Greek god, I mean _guy_, indicated to the other too at the table.

"Hey fellas! My names Mike." Hollywood tried to think of something guy-y to say. "Umm, and I love sports."

The other three boys just looked at her. "So, yeah. Let's start on the recipe." The one that Jack had called Skittles or something changed the topic. "We're making rice crispy treats."

Note glanced down at the pillow form in her hand. She was supposed to be hand sewing it together to "gauge her natural talent', or that's what the teacher said when he looked up from his sudoku puzzle. Note was pretty sure that she didn't have _any _natural talent. The entire thing was full of knots. Putting the pillow down, she stretched her arms, except the pillow didn't stay down.

"What the fu…..dge?" Note said as the teacher looked up. The pillow was hanging off her shirt like some kind of fluffy magnet. She must have sewn it onto her sleeve. Damn it, she liked this shirt!

David snorted as he raised his eyes up from his pillow. "Wow, you are a _disgrace _to the male community. I've already finished mine." He held it like Note had seen new fathers hold their babies.

"How many of these stupid things are we supposed to do?" Spot's voice came from behind a LARGE pile of pillows.

David gaped and sputtered, "Wh-what did you do, go out and buy those or something?"

Spot pushed the pile away from him. Some fell down and hit him in the face. "Shit! And I made them. Just now. It's not like it's _hard_." Spot looked around at Note. "What the fuck happened to you?"

"I'm sewing." Note glowered at the stupid, deformed pillow attached to her shirt. "I'm starting a trend. Join me," she deadpanned.

"How about I just help you, instead?" Spot climbed out of the cushy mountain. He threw a pillow at David, who was still gaping at him. "Shove that in your mouth and suck it."

David closed his mouth and blushed, looking highly affronted. "I don't think I quite know what you mean!"

Spot and Note just looked at him, and he muttered something about "how terribly inappropriate people were these days."

Spot blinked a few times. "Dude, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Just because you have the sex drive of an eighty-year-old, you aren't really that old."

"Act your age, not your IQ." Note chimed in.

Hollywood didn't think it was possible to get stuck in marshmallow, but hey, you learn new things everyday! She had eagerly volunteered to melt the marshmallow; she had made s'mores a thousand times before, how different could it this be? All you had to do was stir the marshmallow as it melted over the stove. She was a pro at it…until she got trapped in the white goodness.

"Hey, Pop Rocks!" She tried to get the attention of the boy down the counter. She knew it was a candy or something. He didn't look up, so she attempted it again. "Altoids! Snickers! Jelly Bean? Come on Licorice! Okay, you're funny, Tic Tac!"

Bewildered, the tall boy looked over at the new guy, who was yelling different types of candies at him. "Umm, are you talking to me?" He looked a bit panicky.

"Jesus Christ! Of course I'm talking to you Raisinet! Are you deaf or something?"

The guy looked around a few times, to make he was being addressed. "Uhh, do you mean _Skittery_?"

Oh shit. Hollywood swore to herself. "Of course I meant Skittery. See, I thought of skittles, then I forgot your name, so I just guessed random candies. It's quite funny actually." She laughed nervously. Skittery started inching away. "No wait! I need your help...I'm kind of stuck." Using her head she pointed down at the bowl that was imprisoning her hands.

Still slightly scared, the boy edged closer. "Okay, I'll help you. Here, lets try this."

Ten minutes later, not only was Skittery also stuck in the marshmallow, but Jack and Kid Blink had also joined the club. Noticing the small cluster of human rice crispy treats, the teacher ventured over. After successfully unsticking all of them, she sat them all back down at the table where she could 'keep an eye on them." The boys all looked properly ashamed until she walked away, and they all burst out in laughter.

Jack clapped Hollywood on the back. "Nice going, kid. What did you say your name was?"

Although inside she was screaming "Ow" at Jack's 'pat,' she just cleared her throat, "My name's Mike."

"So Mike," Kid Blink leaned forward. "Do you have a nickname?" He looked inappropriately excited.

"Um, no?" Hollywood offered up uncertainly.

Blink clapped his hands happily. Noticing Hollywood's scared expression Skittery explained, "Kid here, loves nicknames. Did you think my parents really named me Skittery?" He laughed.

Hollywood shifted. "Well, I didn't want to be rude, I just thought-"

She was interrupted by Blink, "I've got it! Crispy!"

"Crispy?" Hollywood repeated.

"Crispy?" Skittery questioned.

"Crispy?" Jack seemed unsure.

"Crispy!" Blink affirmed, looking very pleased with himself.

"Umm, yeah. I think that was the bell." Jack got up.

"Yeah, I heard it, too." Skittery grabbed his books.

"Yup. Don't want to be late for dinner." _Crispy_ looked towards the door.

"I didn't hear anything." Blink looked confused as the three of them walked away.

Note looked for Hollywood as she headed for dinner. She couldn't wait to tell her that she'd made a friend! And an enemy, but Spot had said that no liked the little suck up anyway, so that was okay.

She was starting to feel a little worried when Hollywood didn't show up immediately. _What if she totally blew our cover? The people here are too good-looking to leave, _Note thought miserably.

And then she was tackled. "Hi, Hollywood!" Note was too excited to care that she'd have a huuuge bump on the back of her head. "Guess what! I made a friend!"

Hollywood grinned superiorly at her. "I made three. AND I got a NICKNAME! I'm now known as 'Crispy.'"

"…Crispy? Well, gee, that's a pretty cool name. No sarcasm there."

'Crispy' didn't look the least bit offended. "So how was Fashion Fabrics? And what happened to your shirt?"

Note looked down at her ruined shirt. "Well, it turns out I suck at sewing, and Spot is _really _good, but he hates it. And David's jealous."

"Should I pretend like I know who these people are?" Hollywood nodded along.

"David is the suck up guy from English, remember? And you'll remember Spot! You know, the gray eyes?"

Hollywood perked up. "Ohh!! Blue eyes kid, the boy-angel!"

"No, the _gray-eyed_ boy."

"_Blue-eyed._"

"Gray."

"Blue."

"GRAY."

"BLUE!!!"

"SPOT'S EYES ARE FUCKING GRAY!!!!!" Note bellowed.

"Actually, I think of them as 'stormy blue-gray." Spot stood behind them, smirking.

Note let out a startled laugh. Hollywood grinned and turned to Note. "See! He said blue first, you stupid gray freak!"

"Don't call me a freak, manwhore!" Note glared. "And anyway, first is the worst, _second_ is the best. Plus, I'm just better than you."

"Okay, okay, ladies, break it up!" Jack from Hollywood's foods class cut in.

The girls looked at each other, panicking. "Uhh…don't call us ladies," Note replied lamely.

"Whatever. Hey, I don't know you!" The boy with the eye patch pointed at Note. "Crispy, introduce me. And then I'll think of a nickname!"

Spot whispered confidentially to Note, "He's kind of obsessed."

"It's kind of obvious." She grinned.

The group made its way to dinner. The newly nicknamed Stitch sat down next to Spot. After hearing about their sewing class, Blink had a 'flash of genius,' according to him at least.

Skittery sat down between Jack and Blink. "So who do you think will be in a play?"

Jack looked up from stuffing food in his mouth. "Bush wiw. He'sh a bown actow."

Kid Blink looked grossed out for a moment. "Where is Mush, anyway?"

Skittery craned his neck to look at the food line. "Ope, there he is. The only one in line for porridge."

Note looked confused. "Ummm…Porridge?"

"Why do you think we call him Mush?" Spot questioned.

The porridge-Mush guy walked over to the table. "Hi guys! Who are you two?"

Blink grinned. "This is Stitch and Crispy! I named them!"

They high-fived. "Nice job!" Mush congratulated Blink. He glanced up at the clock. "Oh, hey look! They're putting up the cast list!"

Immediately, dinner was abandoned. They crowded around the list. The entire cafeteria followed their example. Hollywood looked at the people following them. "Look, we started a fad!"

"Oh my god, look!" Note told her.

**High School Musical Cast List**

_Troy Bolton…………………………………………… Michael Borden_

_Gabriella Montez…………………………………… Aaron Lohr _

_Taylor………………………………………………… Max Casella _

_Chad……………………………………………………Michael Goorjian _

_Sharpay Evans……………………………………… Gabriel Damon_

_Ryan Evans…………………………………………… Mark Wayne _

_Miss Darvis……………………………………………David Moscow_

_Coach Bolton………………………………………… Trey Parker_

_Mrs. Montez…………………………………………… Francis Sullivan_

Note look befuddled. "Who are these people?" She looked questioningly at Blink. "Do you know them?"


	7. Definitely Heterosexual

**Definitely Heterosexual **

_Boarding School Blues_

**Chapter 7** Posted: 2/3/07

_Note look befuddled. "Who are these people?" She looked questioningly at Blink. "Do you know them?"_

Blink sighed and turned away from her dejectedly. Now, Note was REALLY confused. Spot took over. "Those are a lot of our names." He gestured to the surrounding group, "But those are our real names and Blink thinks that real names are a 'denial of the nickname system' or something. Yeah, he's kind of touchy about it."

Mush gave Blink a comforting pat on the stomach. Blink looked like he was about to cry.

Hollywood was still staring intently at the list. "So, who am I playing?"

Mush glanced at her. " Don't you even know your own _name?_"

"Umm," Hollywood thought fast, "I got so into my nickname, I didn't even need a real name!"

Everyone stared at her dumbly. Except for Blink. Who jumped up and down, clapping his hands together and tackled her and gave her a very violent man-hug.

In order to distract everyone from the suspiciously smug look on Hollywood's face, Note turned to the other boys. "Sooooooo, who are you guys playing?"

Spot frowned and mumbled something. Note leaned closer "What was that?"

An Italian boy looked over at the list and laughed, "You're playing _Sharpay, _Spot? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that a _girl?"_

Spot turned red and glowered at the boy, "Haha, very funny Race. Who are you?"

Race stopped laughing, "Umm, no one?"

Spot inspected the list, "You're Taylor! Isn't that the annoying nerdy girl?"

An Italian tomato took Race's spot. "Taylor is a boy's name. I don't know what you are talking about!"

Jack guffawed loudly and the two boys turned on him.

"Who are _you _playing, Cowboy?"

Jack started clearing his throat and talking about how much homework he had to do.

Spot and Race glanced at the list and slowly turned on Jack with identical smiles on their faces.

"Mrs. Montez, Jack?"

"Now, Race, if I am not mistaken, it appears to me that Mrs. Montez would be a female role."

"Why yes, Spot, not only that, but it also seems that Cowboy here is playing a mother."

"Wow, our boy Jack is already a mother? They grow up so fast these days, but I never expected one of our own to be a teenage parent."

Mush looked at the casting list excitedly, "Wow! I'm a lead role! Hey, Jack! You're playing my mom! Isn't that great?"

Spot and Race looked at each other. They couldn't make fun of Mush, he was too nice. Plus underneath all that friendliness, he was really, really strong at could probably beat them up.

Blink glanced over, "Hey, if Mush is the girl lead, who's Troy?"

"Yeah, who is this 'Michael Borden kid?" Jack took a quick look around, immensely glad that the spotlight was off him.

"Never heard of him." Hollywood joined in, until Note elbowed her and whispered, "They're talking about you, you idiot."

"Oh, right." Hollywood stepped forward, "That would be me." She turned to Note, "Did you even get a part? I hope this isn't going to turn out like that time in 5th grade when we did that recycling play. Remember that? You got so mad, because all you got to do was hold up a sign. Then you locked me up in the closet before the play so you could play 'Sam – the Recycling Squirrel.'"

"I so deserved that part!! I was way better than you, the only reason you got it was because _your mom _was in charge of the PTO." As you can see, Note was totally over the issue.

Hollywood looked at her pityingly. "Aw, did you not get a part again?"

Note seethed. "**No**. I am Ryan Evans, thank you very much." She sniffed and stuck her nose in the air.

Medda's voice crackled over the loudspeakers. "Will all the cast members please report to the auditorium for our fist practice?"

Jack shrugged. "Well, whatever. Let's all go to hell."

The group walked down the hall to the auditorium and sat in the back row. David was already there, sitting in the very front. By himself.

Jack grinned at the other boys. "Hey Davey! Who'd you get?"

David turned around. "Hello Jack. I'm playing Miss Darvis." He sat up a little straighter. "Miss Medda says I have a uncanny ability to capture the character's emotions." He flushed as he remembered the compliment.

"That's great, Dave. I'm sure this will be a great story to tell your children." Jack and the rest of the boys sniggered.

Noticing Note and Hollywood's looks of confusion, Spot explained, "David has the world's biggest crush on Medda. It's like hero worship or something."

Racetrack leaned in. "It's more than that. It's a freaking obsession. I share a room with the guy. One time I think I saw him talking to a picture of her. It wasn't just like a 'hey, how are ya?' kind of thing, either. It was more like a 'Hey baby, after you put the kids to bed, let's perform our own version of the love scene from Romeo and Juliet.'"

Hollywood's eyes got wide. "Really? I thought he was…you know…gay." She looked at Note, "I mean, he was in sewing class and everything…"

Spot growled, "Hey! Just because you're in a sewing class doesn't mean you're gay." He threw an amiable arm around Note's shoulder. "Me and Stitch ain't gay."

"Nope. Definitely heterosexual." Note's thoughts were anything but platonic.

She was saved from her definitely not PG feelings when Medda waltzed onto the stage. "Hello actors! What's new?"

The cluster from the back shuffled their way to the front, where Medda had marked off three rows as "For Cast Only!"

Medda cut David off, who had taken her question literally and begun to tell her his life story.

"I know how excited you all are to begin rehearsals, but I think it's also important for my cast to become close. It helps with the on-stage chemistry, you see." Medda beamed at the group and continued. "So I have arranged a series of trips for you, in conjunction with our rehearsals. Now, I think it is time for you to meet your characters." She picked up a box from the side of the stage and pulled out a document. "Troy Bolton? Please come pick up your script."

Hollywood sat slumped in her chair, until Blink poked her. "That's you, Crispy! Go get 'um!"

She walked up to the stage and made an attempt to grab her script, but Medda grabbed her arm and dragged her to the center. "Now, Michael here was my favorite audition. He had such intensity when performing. I can't wait to see where he goes with such a complex character, like Troy." Hollywood smiled and shrugged, until Medda pinched her butt. "Plus, he's just so cute! I expect great things from you, Michael."

Hollywood glared at Note and the rest of the boys who were all laughing hysterically. Well, all of them except David, who had decided that this Michael boy was trying to 'steal' Medda away from him. Plus he was mad, because he had been at this school for two years and had never gotten a nickname. These two walk in and get nicknames in the first day? Unbelievable.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Note shook Hollywood awake from a very interesting dream involving the boys from her foods class. And whipped cream.

She groaned, "What's the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with me?" Note continued to nudge Hollywood.

"What's the matter with you? Want...to…go...back…" Hollywood muttered into her pillow.

"Come on." Growing bored, Note shoved Hollywood onto the ground.

"Owww, get away from me. You're mad!" Hollywood crawled over to the dresser and grabbed some clothes. "Why are we up so early anyway?"

"Don't you remember? Today is the day of our bowling extravaganza with the boys! And I know you're excited about that." She winked and then made her way towards the bathroom with her wig and some bobby pins.

"_I'm_ the one who's excited? You're the one who's in love with a certain blue-eyed boy who thinks you're a guy." She sniffed the air, "I smell dysfunction."

"That is a complete over exaggeration: I am not in _love_ with Spot. Where do you get these crazy ideas?" Note walked into a wall. "Ouch! And that is NOT metaphorical." She yelled at Hollywood, who was smirking knowingly.

"Sure it wasn't. Now keep your pants on. We only have fifteen minutes before we leave." Hollywood had somehow managed to get ready while Note had been blustering around.

"Ahh! What? Why didn't you say something?" Note ran around frantically.

Hollywood grinned. "Sweetie, we're boys. Just brush your teeth and put on your hair, and let's get out of here."

**AN: So, basically, I did nothing for this chapter but sit in Hollywood's bedroom and paint my nails. Occasionally, I wrote a sentence or two. But rarely. Hollywood doesn't know what I'm typing, so she thinks I'm writing all this stuff about how I wrote this chapter by myself and all that good shit. But I'm not, and she's calling me a liar. **

**Ha. And now she's quoting Newsies. Actually, she just stopped and is calling me a liar again. Sorry: an underliar. I don't understand either. –Note**

_**She forgot to tell you that she hasn't done anything for the past 3 chapters except correct my spelling, because she's ANNOYING. Hah, I hid the nail polish, what now bitchessss? I hate hate hate hate hate her. Knowing punctuation doesn't make you smart. Well, enjoy the story and please review!**_

_**Love youu,**_

_**Hollywood 3**_


	8. Bowling Shoes

**Bowling Shoes**

_posted: 2/27/07_

Note and Hollywood stepped out of their dorm room and into the hallway to where the boys were waiting. Blink grinned at them. "Took you long enough."

Jack chuckled. "Yeah, you take longer then Sarah does."

"Well, she needs all the help she can get," Racetrack quipped.

Jack shoved him, "Yeah, well, I don't see any girls, ugly or not, hanging around you." Then, he jumped up on the statue of the founder of the school conveniently located right where they were. "Alright! Everyone's here, so we're going to get going. Okay, who has cars?"

Spot, Skittery, and David raised their hands.

Jack nodded intelligently. "Alright, Spot, how many seats do you have?"

"Besides mine, I only got one."

"Who do you want to take?"

Spot looked around. He grinned. "I'll take my sewing pal, Stitch."

Note tried to hide her blush. Hollywood laughed at her as she failed. Miserably. "Okay, Spot."

Jack looked at Skittery. "Alright, what about you?"

"I'll take, uhh…Race and you…that's all I got room for."

"Okay, that just leaves Blink, Mush and Crispy." He looked expectantly at David, "Hey Davey, how many can you hold?"

"I've got a six seater minivan, and I am not taking **any of you!**" David stormed out angrily.

"Ummmm, right." Jack shrugged at the three discards. "I hear it's a nice walk…" He hopped off the podium and followed Skittery to the car.

The rest of the boys all walked off to their respective cars, giving the castoffs regretful looks. Finally, it was just Blink, Mush and Hollywood in the empty hall.

"So guys, any suggestions?" Mush turned to the other boys in anticipation.

Hollywood smiled, "I've got a good idea! Let's take the subway!" She bounced around happily.

"The subway?" Blink looked at her in confusion. "Why would we want to do that?"

"Well, I've never been on it before…it's seems like fun." Hollywood's excitement was undiminished.

"You know, Blink, I've never been on a subway either." Mush looked at Blink with puppy dog eyes.

Hollywood pouted at Blink. Blink seemed taken aback by her girlish pout. "Umm…well, I guess we can take the subway. But I haven't been on it either."

Hollywood grabbed his arm and dragged him outside. "It'll be an adventure! You won't regret this. I promise."

Back in Spot's car, Spot and Note were stuck in traffic. Spot pouted and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel of his sweet Lamborghini Gallardo. Note decided to take matters into her own hands. So she turned on the radio. Loudly.

"Oh my god, I love this song!" She sang along to Jesse McCartney's 'Right Where You Want Me.'

Spot stared at her. "How the hell do you know this…this _song_?" He looked completely repulsed.

Note stopped dancing in her seat and looked at him like a deer in headlights. "Well, you see…umm, my _sister_ has this thing with Jesse McCartney…and she, uhh, plays it a lot. Really loudly. So I hear it all the time." She winced. "Don't judge me."

"You _promised_ I wouldn't regret this!" Blink crossed his arms childishly.

Hollywood patted his arm sympathetically while Mush looked helplessly at the subway map.

"You _said_ this would be fun!" Blink was on the verge of a full out temper tantrum, which wasn't made any better by Mush and Hollywood ignoring him.

"I thought we were supposed to get off at the green squiggly line." Mush's brow furrowed quizzically.

"Noooo," Hollywood had been staring at the map so long her vision was starting to blur, "we're supposed to get off at the _blue_ squiggly line." She sighed and slumped against the wall of the subway car. "This is nothing like it was in Rent."

"What do you mean?" Mush looked over at her.

"You know, in Rent, during that song, 'Santa Fe"? Yeah, this isn't like that." Hollywood sighed dejectedly.

Mush brightened considerably, "Ohhh, I love that movie!"

Blink looked over from his spasms, "Hey wait? Isn't that a musical?" When the two nodded, he continued, "Well…you're guys. Why are you watching musicals?" He glared at them, still a little upset about the whole being lost thing.

"Uhh, I, ummm, have a sister? And she, uhh, likes musicals. So, uhh, yeah." Hollywood's lie was very convincing.

"Yeahhh, I, uh, have a sister too." Mush's face reddened.

Blink looked at them suspiciously, "Sure you do."

"So…where are the other guys?" Jack looked around their small group at the front of the bowling alley. Hollywood, Blink, and Mush were nowhere to be seen.

Note frowned. "Well, they're walking, right? It would take them longer."

"Not necessarily," Spot countered. "I thought they would beat us at the pace we were going."

"Well, if they're your friends, then they probably got confused by a stop sign or something." An unexpected female voice addressed the group.

Everyone whipped around. Sarah Jacobs sauntered into the middle of their group, chuckling at her joke and stopped directly in front of Jack. Race scowled. "Why are you here?"

She glared at him. "I was invited, obviously. Jack asked me to come."

Behind her, Jack franticly shook his head and waved his arms. Skittery raised an eyebrow at her. "Did he? I guess I just thought this was a cast only excursion."

Tossing her hair over her shoulders, Sarah looked at Skittery. "Well, after Jack invited, or should I say, _demanded_ that I come with him, Medda asked me to go. She wants me to help show you boys how a normal girl acts."

"Why would Medda want us to learn how to act like a whore?" Note scoffed and looked unsubtley at Sarah's outfit, fishnets with a short skirt and scrap of fabric where her shirt should be. How, um, classy.

Thinking that 'he' was checking her out, Sarah took a step closer to Note, who immediately hid behind Spot. He crossed his arms menacingly and acted as a bodyguard. She was saved from the 'seduction' when Hollywood, Blink and Mush burst through the door.

"Heya fellas!" Mush waved over at the guys. His eyes widened in shock when he saw Sarah standing with them.

"What took you guys so long?" Note emerged from behind Spot.

Blink and Hollywood grinned in unison, "We took the subway!" They said proudly.

Race and Spot looked at each other skeptically. "You three rode on the subway?" Race said disbelievingly.

"Yup" Blink nodded arrogantly. "It was a breeze, get on, get off. Bada bing!" He made excited gestures with his hands.

"Umm guys." Spot looked at them warily. "There isn't a subway stop near here. It's at least a mile or two away."

"Well, a little fresh air never hurt anyone!" Hollywood glared at them defensively.

Skittery cleared his throat noisily. "Why didn't you guys just take a cab?"

One look at Hollywood's, Mush's or Blink's faces showed them that they had never considered that.

The group burst out in laugher and trooped into the bowling alley. Race 'accidentally' slammed the door in Sarah's face on the way in. She stomped her stiletto at him and marched snootily into the building.

"I can't believe she thinks she's a normal girl," Note mused as Sarah flounced by. She and Hollywood watched as she chatted up a bowling attendant, and then promptly refused to go out with him, saying that she had "standards."

Hollywood snorted derisively. "Well, maybe most girls aren't prudes, Note."

Mush turned around and blinked at her. "Who are you talking to?"

"Umm…my sister!" Hollywood fished her cell phone out of her pocket and held it up to her ear. Mush looked enlightened. "Ohh, okay." He walked away.

Note looked incredulously after him. "What the hell? You are possibly the worst actor ever. How did he buy that?"

Hollywood hit her on the arm. "Shut up! Mush is really nice."

Note raised an eyebrow at her. "Ohhh. He's _nice_?"

"Eww, he's not the one that I like!" Hollywood rolled her eyes.

Note nudged her. " So there is someone?"

Hollywood blushed bright red . "I've got to go get my, um, bowling shoes."

**AN: Sorry that it's so short! We felt bad about not updating! **

**Who do _you_ think Hollywood likes? Read and Review!!**


	9. The Booby Trap

**The Booby Trap**

**BSB Ch. 9 **

_posted 26/4/07_

Hollywood smiled down at her fluorescent bowling shoes. "I love bowling shoes! Maybe I should just not return these." A bowling attendant glared at her. "Or, you know, maybe not." She ran to hide behind Blink and Mush.

Note laughed at her. "Come on, loser, it's your turn first."

Hollywood walked over to their lane. "Yeah, because I'm number one." She held one finger in the air and whooped. "Are you ladies ready? I'm about to blow these pins out of this galaxy!" She turned around and rolled the ball directly into the gutter.

Sputtering excuses, Hollywood sat down and crossed her arms. She nudged Jack who was laughing hysterically. "Okay, hotshot. It's your turn."

"Okay." Jack picked up a bowling ball and rolled it down the lane.

"Ha!" Hollywood shouted at him. "Your ball's going into the gutter!" Then, she watched in horror as the ball curved away from the gutter and knocked down every single pin.

"Thank you, thank you." Jack bowed to his "audience." He looked at the screen. "Okay, Stitch, your turn."

Note paled. "Umm…warning: if you thought Crispy was bad, you're going to be blown away by my 'talent.'"

Spot clapped her on the back. "You can't be THAT bad. I mean, Crispy was the worst I've ever seen. No offense."

Note raised an eyebrow at him. "Watch me." She promptly picked up the ball, and threw it down the lane. It went straight for about a millisecond and then immediately curved into the gutter.

"Woah! That was like my sweet skill except backwards!" Jack exclaimed.

As the salt was rubbed into the wound, Note lost her temper. "Alright! I'm a freak. Take me to the fucking zoo!"

The group looked momentarily stunned, until Hollywood broke the silence. "You know, living in the zoo would suck. I don't even like peanuts that much." Oblivious to the incredulous looks from everyone else, Hollywood looked at her incredible bowling shoes.

Spot got up, "You know, Crispy, you're not actually all that bad at bowling. Hows about I give you a few pointers?"

"I guess. I pretty sure I'm hopeless, though." She sighed, looking dejected.

"No, you're not. Watch me and then I'll help you on your next turn." Spot rolled a strike, no tricks.

When Note's turn came again, she started to prep to roll the ball.

"No!" Spot hurried to her. "You're standing all wrong, plus can't curve your wrist."

She looked at hi incredulously. "There's a certain way you have to stand?"

Spot nodded and pushed her lower back, making her unslouch. He guided her arm and helped her knock down eight pins. Note tried to hide her blush as she thanked him.

"Wooh, that was like watching someone's first kiss. Completely awkward," Hollywood whispered as Note sat back down.

"Shut up." Note hissed at her, "I'm not quite sure you should be talking. Is it even possible to have a negative score in bowling?"

Hollywood flushed angrily. After she had accidentally knocked pins out of another lane, the bowling attendants got their revenge by taking points off her single digit score. She was now proudly sporting a '-5' on the monitor.

Blink nodded seriously. "Yeah, that was amazing…-ly horrible."

Hollywood scowled at him. "Yeah, well not all of us are perfect, Blink."

"I am rather perfect, aren't I?" Blink smiled dreamily.

"He was talking about me, Blinky boy," Spot clapped him on the back.

"I actually agree with that," Mush agreed. "If I was a girl, I'd totally bang you, Spot."

"Woah, I just realized why this is actually enjoyable. What happened to Sarah and David?" Jack looked around the alley.

"I guess they probably left early. Not a bad idea, actually. Medda never told us how

long we had to stay."

"So, what are we going to do now?" Hollywood looked around expectantly.

The boys looked at each other and began to smile mischievously. Jack raised his eyebrows. "Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"

Blink nodded slyly. "I think it's time to show the noobs the Booby Trap."

Hollywood's face brightened. "Ohh, are we playing laser tag?"

**_A taxi ride and a few lifetimes later_**

"Booby Trap is a _strip club?_" Note stood staring horrified at the building across the square. "I don't really want to go in there."

Race punched her shoulder. Hard. She tried not to wince. "What kind of boy are you, Stitch?"

"Umm…the normal kind?" Note offered up hopefully. She turned to look at Hollywood, who was still inspecting the house of ill fame.

"What?" Hollywood asked the group, deciding to tune into the conversation. "Well, I've never been to a strip club. But wouldn't it be really weird to see your friends get horny?"

Spot snorted, "No weirder than watching David pine for Medda. So, you guys coming or what?"

As the two looked at each other helplessly, Jack made the decision for them and dragged them into the club.

Their captors let go of them once they got near one of the poles. The boys sat down near the stage. Note and Hollywood looked at the girl flinging off her skimpy clothing and shuddered. Hollywood nudged Note. "Can we please leave?"

Note looked pained. "I don't think so. We won't be 'true' boys or some other bullshit. Come on, let's go pretend to be turned on."

They sat down awkwardly a safe distance away from the boys. Hollywood looked disappointed. "I don't want to see Blink get a boner from another girl. Not that I want to give him a boner right now, but you know what I mean."

"HA!" The men around the stage all glared at them. Thinking quickly, she turned it into a moan. "Hoah, baby…give me some…more…loving."

Only Hollywood noticed her distressed expression; the boys gave them enthusiastic thumbs ups.

Note continued at a lower volume. "I knew you liked Blink! I was so right. It sucks that we're supposed to be guys. I like Spot, you like Blink, and they're over there getting erections. Great." She scowled.

"Don't worry. That girl over there, the one with no shirt, nipple rings, and glow-in-the-dark panties," Hollywood pointed. "I'm pretty sure she's into us."

Note blinked disbelievingly. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Oh God, I think she's coming over here. Someone save me."

"Someone save _us_, you dirty little whore!" Hollywood frowned. "Never mind, that doesn't work in a strip club."

The girl shimmied alarmingly close to them. "Hello, boys," she said in a low, seductive voice. "They call me Little Joanna."

Hollywood tried to look away from the bosoms in her face. "Really? I can't see why."

'Joanna' perched herself on Hollywood's knee. Note, being the good friend she was, decided to save her. She leaned forward and whispered to the girl. "See, Joanna, we're actually pretending to be boys. It's kind of a long story. So if you could not, like, seduce us, that'd be great."

Joanna looked stunned for a minute. "Well, I haven't heard that one before. So, you _guys_ need some help?"

"Um, what?" Hollywood looked a little fearful.

Joanna stood up and grabbed their hands. "Trust me. I'm not going to rape you or anything."

Winking at them, she led them to the back room. As the passed the other guys, she said loudly "I have something _special_ for you two." Hollywood turned around at the gaping boys and mouthed "score" at them before following Joanna into a backroom.

The three girls ended up in a small room with some lounge chairs in a circle. Note looked around curiously. "So, what's this room for, Joanna?"

"Actually, my names Jane. The manager didn't think it was 'alluring' enough. This room is for private parties." Jane smiled at them placidly.

Hollywood's face lit up. "Oooh, like kids' birthday parties?"

Note and Jane exchanged incredulous glances. Jane smiled patronizingly. "Yes. Just like a birthday party. Cake and everything." She went over to a shelf and pulled out a deck of cards. "So, you guys know how to play poker?"

Note looked anxious. "Uhh…not strip poker, right?"

Jane laughed and shook her head.

Eagerly, Hollywood sat down. "Deal me in."

_**An hour and many dollars later**_

Hollywood and Note walked out of the private room.

"Thanks, Joanna," Hollywood murmured loudly. "It was a hell of a time." She slapped Jane's ass as she walked away.

"Duuude." Jack looked at them in wonderment; "You guys were in there for like, hours."

"Yeahh, well, you know. Once I put on the old charm, Joanna was a goner." Hollywood puffed out her chest dramatically.

"We were busy losing all of our money." Note looked mournfully at her empty pockets.

Spot's eyes lit up, "Oh man! Did she perform favors for you guys?"

"Yeah, definitely." Note answered quickly. Actually, Jane turned out to be ridiculously good at poker and had totally hustled them out of all of their money.

As he pushed open the door to outside Race said tentatively, "So, uhh, do you guys go strip clubbing often?"

Spot snorted, "Is strip clubbing even a word?"

Race glared. "No, stupid, it's two."

Note intervened quickly. "Nope, we're strip club virgins. Why?"

The boys all exchanged nervous glances. Race said, "Well, we've never actually done this before. We just wanted to freak you guys out. See if you could handle it."

Mush clapped Hollywood on the back. "And apparently, you can."

Hollywood and Note smiled at each other, "Well, we do alright."

**AN: Ahh, sorry! We haven't posted in forever! Review, yes?**


	10. Contact Sports

After their exciting day of manly adventures, Note and Hollywood wanted nothing more than a few hours free from back slapping, 'pound it' and the unceasing calls of 'duuuuude." Unbelievable as it may seem, Hollywood was actually sick of boys.

After their dalliance at the strip club, Jack had taken the boys to what he called a 'classy eating joint.'

Note stared in horror at the bright orange sign above them, "We're going to eat at _Hooters?_" she asked in disbelief.

Hollywood didn't share her aversion, "Ohhh, I love it here. They have the best fries! And boobs," she added cleverly.

Note blinked at her in confusion. "When did you ever go to Hooters?" she asked in astonishment.

Hollywood just smiled mysteriously. "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," she murmured as she ran to catch up with the boys.

Note was feeling an extreme sense of déjà vu as the waitress leaned over her to ask Spot what he wanted to eat. "Hello, my name is Lola. What could I get you boys?" She winked at Blink flirtatiously. He grinned back at her, luckily oblivious to Hollywood's jealous stare.

After everyone's order had been taken, she blew a kiss to Blink and strutted away. "Stupid whore," Hollywood muttered.

"What was that?" Race asked.

Hollywood improvised. "I, umm…I want some more?"

Race nodded in agreement. "Totally, man, that waitress was pretty hot."

All the boys agreed enthusiastically. Note just rolled her eyes.

"What?" Spot asked. "You didn't think she was hot?"

Note straightened. "Well, I guess she was…bootylicious? But I mean, really, her roots were, like, three inches long. And I'm pretty sure her boobs were fake. Plus, did you see the amount of makeup caked on her face? You could feed a third world country with her foundation alone."

Blink looked confused. "But, but, she- SHE WINKED AT ME! We are a love match. Soul mates. She even blew me a kiss. She WANTS me. You have no idea."

Everyone looked a bit stunned by the outburst. Except Mush, that is. He looked around, bewildered. "I didn't know you could eat foundation."

--

"Sooo…what are you saying?" Hollywood asked curiously.

The principal sighed and shifted in his seat as Note and Hollywood looked at him in astonishment.

The school secretary pushed her owlish glasses further up her nose. "I'm very sorry, dears, but in order to blend in you have to at least try out."

Note crossed her arms, "I still don't understand why you are making us do sports. You took us out of gym class."

The secretary patted her hand condescendingly, "I understand that this is going to be a bit difficult, but here at Hearst Academy, participation in sports is a requirement. All you have to do is try out for one activity per semester."

The principal bit out another sigh, "I don't understand why this is such a big deal to you two. It's not like you're going to make the team anyway."

Hollywood jumped up. "What? Are you saying that just because we're girls we won't be able to cut it?"

The principal looked startled. "Oh, no! I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that…"

Note glared at him. "Sorry's not good enough. And don't think we're going to try out for the sissy sports. We're bringing out the big guns. That's right. Football and basketball."

Everyone in the room gaped at her. She stood up. "Okay, we're leaving." She and Hollywood left the office.

Outside, Hollywood rounded on Note. "What were you thinking? Why would we want to try out for football and basketball?"

Note looked confused. "Isn't this why we came here? So we could prove girls were just as good as boys?"

"But can't we do that without risking our lives and the lives of everyone around us when we play sports?" Hollywood sighed dramatically. "I mean, when I was in Neighborhood Club soccer as a little kid, I only scored one goal in four years."

Note patted her arm. "One goal is good!"

Hollywood looked miserable. "It was on my own team. No one talked to me for months afterward."

Note kept patting her friend's arm comfortingly. Then, Race walked down the hall.

"Hey, guys, how's it going? Are you okay, Crispy? You don't look too good."

Hollywood grimaced. "Er…it's just a stomach ache."

Race nodded. "Yeah, I got one too, from those Hooters fries. I feel kinda like a girl on PMS, you know."

Note and Hollywood laughed half-heartedly. "Good one, Race."

He continued walking down the hallway, and Note started pulling Hollywood in the direction of their dorms. "Come on, we don't want to be overheard, do we?"

As they turned the corner, Sarah emerged from the copy room, where she'd been copying an assignment for Denton. She grinned evilly. "So, Jack's new friends aren't quite what they seem, are they? I bet he'd like to know." She began to cackle.

Denton came out of the principal's office. "Sarah, who are you talking to?"

--

Hollywood smoothed her shirt self consciously as she looked in the mirror. She had double wrapped her chest in medical tape to avoid any lumps. The only problem now was that she couldn't breathe. "Stupid Note and her stupid sports." She muttered angrily.

Note walked out of the bathroom and surveyed Hollywood's outfit. She looked like an underdeveloped pre-teen in her baggy sweatpants and athletic tee shirt. Hollywood looked over at Note and burst out laughing. "You are so going to get pounded into the ground."

"I'm naturally slender!" Note asserted. "I can't help it that I'm not exactly built like a football playing boy."

Hollywood laughed in her face. "Well, you should have thought of that when you volunteered to try out for football."

"Yeah, like you're going to do amazingly in basketball, what with your intense arm strength and intimidating height."

"I'll show you intimidating," Hollywood snarled, striding forward. Just then, her drawstring shorts came undone and fell to the floor.

Note looked, and then did a double take. "Why do you have a sock taped to your, umm…panties?"

Hollywood glanced around the empty room and then leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, "I stuffed my underwear!"

Note stared at her incredulously. "Wow, good idea," she deadpanned. "Do you have one I could borrow?"

Hollywood smiled generously. "Sure! Let's go to my penis drawer."

Once both girls were "fully equipped," they made their way out to the hall. "Damn, it's hard to walk with these," Note griped. As she began to rearrange herself, Spot strolled out of the stairwell toward them.

Hollywood tried to distract Spot from the scarlet Note. "So, Spot, where did you come from?"

Spot answered, "Oh, I've got a room on the third floor. They're the best there. Where are you guys headed?"

Note finally regained her composure enough to say, "Sport try-outs."

Hollywood took over for her. "Basketball and football. What about you?"

Spot shuddered. "I'm trying out for football. I hate it. Stitch, are you doing that one? It's down by the lake."

Note nodded and began awkwardly walking with Spot to the stairs. "Bye, Crispy, have fun in the gym."

Spot nodded. "Yeah, but no worries. Blink and Jack are already down there. Yeah, Jack's like disgustingly excited about this. He wants to try out for _both._"

Glancing over her shoulder, Note mouthed 'Help!' to Hollywood as she disappeared down the stairs.

A good few hours later, Note stumbled into their dorm. Groaning, she threw herself onto her bed covering her head with her arms. Hollywood walked out of the bathroom, her hair wet from a shower.

They both looked at each other with identical miserable expressions on their faces.

Dropping onto the bed, Hollywood exhaled and announced, "That was one of the worst experiences of my life, ever."

Note shook her head, "There is no way that you had as bad as a time as me. I am traumatized for the rest of my life."

Flashback 

The ball came soaring towards Note's face. She threw out her arms to shield herself and then, miraculously, caught the ball. She stared in amazement at the ugly brown football in her hands.

"Run, Stitch!" Mush screamed. Note jolted back to life and began to sprint away from all the big, scary bull-men behind her.

Just when she began to near the end zone, a brick wall hit her from the side. A brick wall whose hand somehow landed on her chest. As they hit the ground rolling, Spot swore and stopped them, straddling her waist. "Sorry, man, I thought you saw me. By the way, nice chest."

Note gaped at him in horror. Spot continued, oblivious to her shock. "I mean, your pecks were pretty hard. Do you work out or something?"

Note just nodded, trying not to hyperventilate. Spot grinned. "Listen, dude, you're gonna have to share your secret with me."

Fighting back hysteria, Note gasped out, "First you have to get off me."

"Good idea." Spot stood up, and held out a hand to help her.

--

"Wow. That is really sad." Hollywood nodded sympathetically as Note finished her story. "And my story is worse, so that makes it sad _and_ pathetic."

Flashback 

Hollywood walked nervously onto the basketball court. It was filled with boys, which would normally make her happy, but in this case, it was simply frightening.

"Hey Crispy!" Jack bounded over to her, "Wow! Don't you love sports? I do!"

Blink came up behind him; his attitude was a sharp contrast to Jack's. "God, I hate basketball. I wish they still offered rugby here. I suck at this sport."

He then proceeded to make five 3-point shots in a row, then tossing the ball to Hollywood. "Come on, _Troy_. Why don't you get your head in the game?"

Jack and the other boys laughed, as Hollywood smiled feebly, gripping the ball in her sweaty hands. "Alright, guys. Here it goes." She tossed the ball at the net, and then watched in horror as it bounced off the backboard and hit David square in the face.

Covering her mouth with her hand, Hollywood gasped. "Oh, man, I am so sorry!"

David just glared at her and stalked off the court.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Hollywood asked worriedly.

Jack just laughed. "Davey will be fine. He's just a drama queen." He tossed the ball to Blink. "Alright, hotshot. Let's see you try a jump shot."

Letting out a long-suffering sigh, Blink caught the ball and dribbled it up center court. Hollywood began running backward to avoid him. When she was right in his path, she tripped and fell on her back. Blink tried to stop, but just ended up falling to his knees with his crotch right above Hollywood's face. She glanced around, not sure where to look. If she looked straight up, she'd see straight up his shorts, and he wasn't exactly wearing a sock in there.

"Whoa, man, watch where you're running." Blink stood up, hauled Hollywood to her feet, and clapped her on the back.

"Uhh…yeah, sorry 'bout that." Hollywood tried to conceal her blush, but her wig didn't exactly provide enough hair.

--

"Ooh, that does suck." Note paused thoughtfully. "That's almost a pun, if you think about the position you were in."

"Well, you and Spot got to second base, and he has no idea." Hollywood grinned triumphantly at her.

Note opened her mouth to fire back, but she was interrupted by a knock at their door. Or several knocks. "If that's one of the guys, I think I'll cry."

Hollywood quickly jammed a hat over her wet hair and then opened the door. "Hi, Sarah. Why are you here?"

Sarah stepped into the room without an invitation. "Hello, ladies."

Note was frankly too tired to deal with any of Sarah's bullshit. "I'm not really in the mood to deal with you right now. We're both guys and you know that. If you're looking to get lucky, now isn't the right time."

Sarah tried to look cunning. "But I don't know that. Because, ever since I overheard a conversation between you two outside the principal's office, I've been under the impression you're actually girls."

Note turned to Hollywood. "I told you someone had overheard. I knew I smelled bitch."

Sarah cleared her throat. "Now, I'm a very nice person, as you well know. So, I'm giving you two a choice. Either you help me get something I want, or I tell everyone and ruin your little game. Do we have a deal?"


	11. Operation: MOM

**Boarding School Blues **

**Chapter 11(posted 7/15/08)**

Note stared at Sarah incredulously

"Oh my god. This is the most adorable shirt I've ever seen. Look how well it brings out the loveliness that is my face!" Hollywood gazed at herself in the mirror lustfully.

Note snatched the shirt away and put it back on the rack. "First of all, that shirt is disgusting and reminds me of a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. Secondly, we are here for a reason. Maybe if you could step out of the self-centered hole you seem to occupy and focus, we could get this done."

"But I want it!" Hollywood wailed, clutching the suede shirt to her chest.

"I. Don't. Care." Note gritted her teeth, "Now, either you take this seriously or we are leaving. Is that clear?"

Hollywood slowly put the shirt back. "Okay, mom," she grumbled.

Note sighed and continued to push around the empty shopping cart, thinking back to the conversation that had led to this dreaded shopping trip.

_Hollywood was scowling and had her arms crossed tightly over her chest. "So, what is it exactly that you want?"_

_Sarah sighed dramatically, "This may come as a surprise to you, but, lately, I__have found myself feeling a slight attraction towards one of the boys here."_

"_Are you talking about Jack?" Note questioned._

"_YES." Sarah was surprised. "O.M.G., how did you guess?" Her eyes widened in excitement. "Does he talk about me ever?"_

"_Ummm, yes?" Note answered truthfully. After all, Jack had mentioned the crazy whore who was stalking him. _

"_Well, that just makes your job that much easier." Sarah said gleefully. _

"_What job?" Hollywood asked sharply.. _

"_Honestly, it's very simple," Sarah said, shrugging. "I want Jack to ask me out within the next two weeks. If he doesn't, I'll reveal your secret to the whole school at the homecoming dance."_

So, they had taken Sarah to the mall in order to 'revamp her look'. So far everything they had picked out had been either "too prudish" or "not classy enough." Apparently, to Sarah, classy meant a flimsy piece of see-through fabric held up by a row of sequins.

"So, what do you think?" Sarah had a pleather zip-up dress that screamed of Scary Spice in her glory days.

"Umm, well…" Hollywood stalled for time, throwing Note a desperate look.

"Well, Sarah, you see, the thing is, I heard Jack talking the other day about how much he misses his mom. So, I actually had an idea about that. Maybe if you dressed like her, he'd be attracted to you…on some level." Note was basically pulling this out of her ass, in case you couldn't tell.

"Let me get this straight," Sarah put her hands her hips. "You're saying that if I act like his _mom,_ Jack will want to _date _me?"

"Well, yeah. You've heard of the Oedipus complex, right?" Note questioned.

"What's that?" Sarah said, at the same time that Hollywood said "No."

Note sighed a long suffering sigh, as Hollywood sent Sarah a repulsed look, offended to have anything in common with her.

"Well, trust me. This is going to work." Note said confidently, "Those 'your mom' jokes have to come from somewhere, right?"

Sarah nodded, considering the idea. "Well…okay. Sure, let's try this."

"Seriously?" Hollywood said in disbelief.

Sarah shrugged, 'Yeah, why not? It's your asses on the line anyways."

For the next three hours, the two girls played mom-style dress up with Sarah. At the end of their trip, Sarah owned three pairs of high-waisted jeans, a stylish cheetah print sweater, brown leather boots, four sensible pairs of shoes, and five shirts that were actually mature and fashionable. Sarah tried to buy a muumuu, but Note and Hollywood refused to leave the store with it.

When they arrived back at the school, Sarah turned to them and glared straight at them. "You girls aren't out of this yet. Don't forget you only have two weeks to make Jack fall for me. I'll expect to see you at 6 am tomorrow morning." She began to flounce away.

"6 am?" Note cried. "What for?"

Sarah looked at her incredulously. "To get me ready for school, of course!"

After Sarah had departed dramatically, Hollywood began to drag Note along the corridor. Note was too exhausted from the shopping experience to even question Hollywood's insane actions. Hollywood eventually stopped outside of Jack's dorm, which had a sign saying "Lodging House" tacked to the door.

"Why is Jack's room called the Lodging House?" Note asked the fountain of knowledge, Hollywood.

"Because pretty much all the guys stay there during the weekend. Haven't you noticed? He has, like, a wii and a stack of Playboys. What's not to like?" Hollywood said sarcastically. She knocked on the door and rocked back on her heels. While she was waiting, she turned to Note. "We need to get a photo of Jack's mom for Sarah, okay?"

After a few seconds, Spot opened the door. "Hey Stitch! Hey Crispy." He grinned. "What's up?"

Note tried to think of a tactful way to ask for a picture, but was "saved" by Hollywood. "Can we have a picture of Jack's mom?"

Note stared at her in amazement, but Spot just laughed. "Yeah, come on in." He ushered them into the room. "Hey, Jacky-boy, Crispy and Stitch want a photo of your mom."

Jack just shook his head. "Go ahead, there's a stack in the corner. Take as many as you need."

"Thanks!" Hollywood said brightly, happy that this had all worked out.

Blink laughed. "Pretty eager, aren't you, Crispy?"

Hollywood looked confused. "Umm…..yeah?"

They walked through the hoards of boys who were milling around, looking for the stack of pictures.

"Umm, Hollywood?" Note ventured under her breath, "Don't you find it a little odd that Jack has a stack of pictures of his mom…in his room?"

"Well, yeah, that did seem a little out of the ordinary, but maybe it was just a happy coincidence." Hollywood shrugged.

"Yeah, whatever." Note said warily.

Seeing a table in the corner, the two girls headed over, picking up one of the pictures.

"Oh my lord! That's Jack's _mom_?" Hollywood asked incredulously.

"She's like, a MILF," Note said slowly. "No wonder he has a stack in his room for all the guys. That's sick." She added as an afterthought, "and wrong."

Hollywood looked confused. "What's a MILF? I don't get it."

Note patted her on the back consolingly. "You don't want to know, Hollywood. You don't want to know."

**Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep**

Hollywood rolled over in her bed and squinted at the clock. Bright red numbers glared back at her. 5:55. Why would she be waking up so early? She decided not to ponder any longer and promptly threw her pillow at it, thankfully ending the awful noise.

Next thing she knew, she was on the floor. Note stood over her, flipping out. "Hollywood! It's 6:30! We were supposed to help Sarah out a half hour ago! What are we going to do? This is all _your_ fault," she shouted, seething.

Hollywood looked up at her blearily for a few seconds before her eyes widened. "Shit! Why are you just standing there, Note? We have to get ready. Now!"

Note whacked her with a pillow before racing her to the bathroom.

Five minutes later, the two rushed into Sarah's room, breathless.

"We're…here…" said Hollywood, who was panting and clutching the picture of Jack's mom.

"Shhhh!" Note shushed Hollywood, pointing towards the sleeping form in the bed. "She's still sleeping," Note whispered quietly, "if we can turn back the clock without waking her up, she'll never know we were late."

"Okay! Good plan!" Hollywood congratulated Note in a stage whisper, which wasn't actually a whisper at all. She began making her way towards the clock on the nightstand.

Note grabbed the back of her shirt, halting her progress, "What exactly do you think you're doing?" She hissed.

"Umm, changing the clock. Duh, I know it's early but come on." Hollywood rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Note said condescendingly, "when I said _someone_ has to change the clock, I meant that _I_ would change the clock."

"Why do you get to do everything cool?" Hollywood whined, sounding like a six-year-old.

"Well," Note paused thoughtfully, "it's just that you are basically the clumsiest person I have ever met, and this is an operation that involves the tiniest bit of grace."

"I am not clumsy!" Hollywood whisper-shouted, emphasis on the shout.

Note sent a fearful glance towards Sarah, who was stirring in her sleep. She knew that unless Hollywood got what she wanted, she'd have a full-blown temper tantrum on her hands. "Fine!" she said, "Go change it, just _try_ not to bump into anything, please."

"Yay!" Hollywood beamed, "I promise you won't regret this."

"Too late." Note muttered under her breath.

AN: SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG. we had the chapter done but just forgot to post it.

in and out.


	12. Poor Ducks

Chapter 12

Sunday, 1/24/10, 12:42 AM

_Poor Ducks_

Note munched tiredly on a French toast stick. Her eyes drifted shut as her head moved slowly towards the table.

"Look alive there, kid!" A slap on the back jolted her awake. With a startled look in her eyes, she looked for the perpetrator. Mush beamed back at her. "Didja just wake up, or something?"

Note nodded at him with a sheepish smile, although the truth was that she had been awake for hours.

At the other end of the table, Hollywood sat next to Race. Race nudged her and asked, "Hey, can I have your pancakes? You haven't eaten any of them."

Hollywood glared and snapped angrily at him, "Sure, take all the fucking pancakes. Hey, I have a good idea! Why don't you just take my fucking liver next?"

Race stared at her, shocked. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "So…um, is that a yes?"

Hollywood sneered and started shoveling pancakes onto his plate. However, his attention was directed elsewhere.

"Is that…Sarah?" His eyes were as big as the pancakes he'd wanted minutes before as he watched the girl walk towards the table.

Note eyed their job well done in approval. Without the ton of makeup caked on her face and the whore-ish clothing, Sarah wasn't half bad to look at.

Hollywood leaned towards her, suddenly awake. "See, this is going to be magical! Jack is going to see her and realize that she's the girl he's been looking for!"

They both looked at Jack in anticipation, expecting to see the love shining in his eyes as he looked at the beacon of his heart.

Jack looked up. His eyes found Sarah. He looked her up. He looked her down. He went back to his food.

Note and Hollywood looked on is dismay. Their plan seemed to be going off the tracks. Actually, in a metaphorical sense, the train had, in fact, crashed into an oil plant, right near a lake. So now there's a horrible fire and all the ducks are going to die. Metaphorically, of course.

"She's so _pretty_."

Hollywood and Note both looked towards Jack expectantly, hoping for their figurative train to go back on the tracks. He was, however, still chewing his food. Poor ducks.

The voice had actually come from the seat next to Hollywood. That's right, none other than Racetrack was looking at Sarah with enough love in his eyes to fill ten pots.

"So, what now?" Note hissed at Hollywood as they walked through the hallway.

"Well," Hollywood pondered this question, "now we go to class."

Hollywood took off down the hallway. Note stared at her. Hollywood stopped walking. "What is your problem?" She asked, annoyed. Note sighed and rolled her eyes. "English is the other way, smart one."

Note and Hollywood arrived at Mr. Denton's classroom barely on time. They grabbed open seats behind Blink and Race. Blink was talking to Jack, looking very upset.

"They can't do this to me, Jack," he kept repeating, over and over.

Race looked downright pissed, as did most of the others. Except David, that is, who looked positively gleeful.

"What's going on?" Hollywood asked Race.

"We're reading this damn girly book," he started sullenly. "I can't believe Denton's making us read—"

"_Pride and Prejudice_!" Note squealed, yanking Hollywood's arm. "I can't believe we get to read it! It's, like, my favorite book _ever_."

Race stared at her like she had two heads. "What? You actually like this crap?" He asked her, incredulous.

"Hey, I trust Stitch," Spot sat down next to her. "If he says it's good, maybe it is."

Note blushed scarlet and determinedly avoided looking at Hollywood, who was smirking.

"Well, um, my…my sister, yeah, she really likes it and she made me read it and…it's kind of girly, but I still…liked it?" Note backpedaled.

"You have a sister?" Jack joined the conversation. "How old? Is she hot?"

"Well, uh...you see," Note began, glancing desperately at Hollywood.

"She likes Jesse McCartney, which is never a good thing," Spot mentioned.

Hollywood was very offended. "Hey! Why is liking Jesse a bad thing?" She demanded.

"Do you like Jesse McCartney?" Blink asked. "And did you just refer to him as 'Jesse'? Like, you know him, or something?"

Just then, Sarah, who was lurking by the front of the classroom, started cackling. "Wow," she sneered, "Stitch and Crispy, you two are the least manly guys I've ever met. I mean, _Pride and Prejudice_ and Jesse McCartney? Really?" She cocked an eyebrow at them condescendingly.

Racetrack fell out of his chair.

"Whoa, man, are you okay?" Blink asked him, concerned.

"So _pretty_," Race mumbled.

"Who?" Jack asked, looking around the room.

Note and Hollywood concocted a plan using only their eyes and then Hollywood whacked Jack on the arm and said, "I think he means Sarah. She's looking pretty good today, don't you think?"

Jack glanced at Sarah. "Um, I guess so?"

Note smacked her head against her desk. "Ow. Wow, that actually really hurt."

Sarah snorted. "Gosh, Mark, you're such a wimp." She walked over behind Jack and slid her hands up his arms. "You're the complete opposite of Jack. Such a man."

"DISENFECTANT!" Jack held his arms away from his body, as if he was afraid to contaminate the rest of his body. "Someone get me some hand sanitizer, now!"

Hollywood looked at Sarah, afraid that she might be the tiniest bit offended by the implication that her touch was toxic, but was surprised to see her perk up.

"Ohh, Jack. Do you want me to rub it on you? Like an erotic massage?"

Jack was saved from responding when Mr. Denton bustled into the room, holding crates of books. Sarah waltzed up to the front of the room, in what she probably assumed was a seductive strut and helped him pass out the paperbacks. The rest of the class passed without major incident. Unless you count Sarah almost getting punched in the face as she leaned over Jack for the fifth time and murmured, "Do you need any help?"

"I'll say this about Sarah," Note whispered to Hollywood, as Jack was held back by Blink and Mush, "she certainly doesn't give up."

"Oh, yes." Hollywood said vaguely. She was distracted by the bulging of Blink's biceps as he stopped Jack from attempting a Chris Brown.

Next period, Note and Spot were throwing wads of yarn at each other while David glared daggers at them. They stopped when the teacher cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Um, class, from now on we're going to be actually doing something in Fashion Fabrics," he began nervously. Note caught Spot's incredulous glance and stifled a laugh. "Ms. Larkson—Medda—has asked our class to create the costumes for this year's musical. So, you guys get to make them." He sat down at his desk and immediately immersed himself in his Sudoku.

David beamed and decided he would make as many of the costumes as he could all by himself. Once Medda saw his dedication, she would surely realize how perfect they were for each other. "You two can make each others, I guess," David sneered at Spot and Note.

"What?" Note was horrified. "I have to actually sew something that will be seen in a public place? I can't sew to save my life." She slumped in her seat, miserable.

Spot thumped her on the back and she choked. "Don't worry, Stitch, I'll help you! It won't be that bad."

Five minutes later, Note was standing on a stool while Spot measured her inseam. "Okay, I'm going to measure your waist, hips, and inseam. Then you're going to do the same to me. Got it?" Spot instructed, frowning at the sewing book open on the desk.

Note nodded and then stopped, and shook her head. "What's my inseam?"

Spot looked a bit embarrassed. "You know, the length of your leg. From the inside of your foot, up." Note panicked inside. What if he realized she didn't actually a penis?

Sensing her panic, Spot grinned. "We can save that for last. We'll just do one at a time. Waist first." Spot stood behind her and started to wrap the measuring tape around her midsection. Just as he did that, David bustled past with a giant pile of fabric and knocked Note off balance. She fell back onto a hard chest and a pair of strong arms held her up.

Spot chuckled in her ear, causing her to practically swoon. "Wow, you really are a hazard to everything involved with sewing, aren't you?" Note was too focused on breathing and not fainting to answer.

"Stitch? Buddy? You okay?" Spot sounded concerned.

"Uh, I'm fine. Sorry, I guess I just got a little disoriented," Note scrambled for an excuse. "Yeah, I don't feel so well. Maybe I should go lay down in my room or something. Bye." She practically sprinted from the room.

The teacher barely glanced up. Spot looked at her with an odd expression but didn't stop her.

In Hollywood's class, their pastries teacher hadn't forgotten the 'rice-crispy-treat' incident of last class period and put Hollywood, Jack, Skittery and Blink in separate corners to frost cookies. However, after an event involving an entire cake spontaneously lighting on fire, (honestly, the whole pastries class should be canceled), Hollywood got a chance to sneak over to Jack.

"Wazzup, player? Nice frosting job. You're making that cookie your bitch." She said, conversationally, as she slid into the seat next to him.

Jack looked up. "Uhh, thanks, man." Suddenly, he grinned. "You know, dumb as it sounds, I sorta like this class. Helps takes my mind off my problems."

"Fa-sho, fo-sho. I feel you on that one, homie." (Sidenote: There's a slight chance Hollywood had begun to watch a lot of Jersey Shore.) "So, uhh, what kinda problems are we talking about here?"

Jack began to viciously stab the frosting. "It's Sarah! I can't get her to leave me alone. I mean, after the first time, I just…"

"What happened last time? I mean, I know you, uh, pounded it. Was she, like, a grenade?"

Jack looked a little confused, but trudged onward in his story. "Last year, I was dating this girl, Maria. We were, uh, pretty serious. Nothing out of control, but still…she was a nice girl.

"So then, Sarah starts working for Mr. Denton and suddenly it's like she freaking…obsessed with me. She straight up started a rumor that we were sleeping together, Maria found about it and believed her. She…" he paused and ran a hand through his hair, "she broke up with me. We were together for four months, and one rumor was enough for her to completely lose trust in me."

Hollywood nodded and attempted to look manly. Jack? Hot. Vulnerable and hurt Jack? A lot hotter.

"So, uh," he smiled bitterly, "I wasn't in the best shape after that. I wanted to, I guess punish Sarah. After all she had hurt me, I figured she deserved to have her heart broken too. So I slept with her. It didn't mean anything, I just thought that after all the effort she put in, that she'd want some sort of relationship.

"I told everyone about it, might as well ruin her reputation well I was at it, right? But turns out that was all she ever wanted anyways. So in one fell swoop, I lost my girlfriend and any chances of getting her back." He looked a little self conscious after sharing so much emotion. "I, uh, didn't really tell the guys about this. I mean, they know, but not the whole story. I guess it's kinda easier to tell someone new, ya know?"

"Jack, I…" Hollywood cleared her throat and frantically racked her brain. What do you say to the boy who opened up to you over a tub of frosting, when you were attempting to get him together with the girl who ruined his long-term-relationship so she didn't reveal your secret? Even Miss Manners wouldn't know.

A/Ns:

Hollywood: 'ello girls and boys. So I totally appreciate the fact that it has been over a year since we've updated and also that Note and I were but little sophomores when this began. Now we're college girls and life is grand. I hope all of your lives are going smashingly and I assume all of you are as torn up as I am about Conan being gone. Anyways, we actually went for some plot and character development in this chapter. It was a big time in our lives. We've got some really great stuff planned for the next couple chapters, and I hope we can update in a far timelier manner than we have been. Loveee.

Note: Who's Conan? What am I missing? Whatever. Anyway, fun fact: Hollywood and I go to different colleges (which is terribly sad) so we wrote most of this chapter over emails and IMs. I like it a lot though. Sorry we haven't updated in over a year. It's kind of pathetic. Don't worry, though. We never considered abandoning this story. It's kind of our baby. So, we'll try to update waaaayyy sooner next time and we love you all! Thanks for reading and please review!


	13. Double Fisted

"And then he had these puppy dog eyes, and it was terrible and I didn't know what to say." Hollywood moaned, covering her face with a pillow.

Note made a sympathetic noise and patted Hollywood's back, "That's horrible. Poor Jack."

Hollywood sat up. "Poor Jack? How about poor ME?"

"Yes, I understand why you deserve pity. Because you did have your heart broken recently and have it shoved in your face everyday. God, how do you have the strength to face the day?"

"Haters gonna hate. You can't stop my swagger." Hollywood huffed.

"Right. Well, what did you say? I mean, after Jack spilled his heart out to you."

Hollywood brightened. "You are going to be so proud of me. I used my covert ops training to find out sneaky information about Maria."

"One: you have no covert ops training. Two: That's great, but, like, why?"

"Yahduh, if we know what Maria is like, we can make Sarah more like her. Thus, Jack falls in love with Sarah and our secret is kept. Please keep up, homeslice."

Note grinned. "Hey, so we should totally go shopping again. I mean, it'll be with Sarah, which is icky, but at least it's shopping."

"Yeah. But can we go as girls? Because I, like, forgot what it feels like to brush my hair," Hollywood suggested.

Note nodded, smiling. "Hey! Do you remember that game, Girl Talk? We should play that while we're girls to remind us what it's like!" She fist pumped enthusiastically.

Hollywood stared at her like she was crazy. "Isn't that that stupid game where you have to do really dumb dares like jump like a frog for a minute? And then if you don't, you have to put a zit sticker on your face? That's the worst game ever. We're so not playing that, ho. If we play anything, it'll be Pretty Pretty Princess. Duh." She smirked at Note and then rolled onto her back.

Note threw a pillow at her. "Well, fine, we'll play Pretty Pretty Princess. But no matter who wins, I get to wear the crown, because I be a baller."

***sceeeeeene chaaaaaange***

Hollywood spun around. "I am the prettiest princess of them all. Look, look, look!" She pulled up her dress. "NO SOCKS IN MY PANTIES!"

Note opened her mouth, about to yell something at Hollywood about not showing her underwear in a public place, but then just shrugged. If Hollywood wasn't going to try and take her crown, she could allow her this one small pleasure.

So, while Hollywood was dancing about, celebrating her lack a penis, Note adjusted the crown and idly thought that this would be a really bad time for the boys to find them.

"So, I was like "LET'S SOAK 'EM FOR CRUTCHY.' And they said…" Jack opened the door and trailed off, in what could only be described as shock.

Hollywood, a moment too late, let her dress fall. "Um, well, hello. Boys. Whom I have never met."

"We're, um, Mark and Mike's sisters. Just, you know, visiting our brothers."

"Oh, hey!" Mush stepped up. "I'm Mush! We're good friends of your brothers. This is their room. Let's go say hello."

"NO! No. No, no, they are sleeping. Together. I mean, no. Not together. But they are both asleep. At the same time. In the same room." Note was a tad flustered.

"Different beds, though!" Hollywood piped in, taking time away from her busy schedule of smiling charmingly at all of the boys.

Spot smirked, "Oh, you are definitely their sisters."

"Wait, what are your names?" Race asked. "I'm Race, and this is Blink, Spot, Jack, Skittery, and you already met Mush."

Hollywood and Note turned to each other in a panic. For some reason, the idea of saying their real names never crossed their minds.

"Uh…I'm Buffy," Hollywood announced spontaneously.

Note glared at her. "Like, the vampire slayer? _Buffy?_" Hollywood looked around, trying to act nonchalant. "I'm…Miley." Note shot Hollywood a smug glance, confident that her fake name was waaay better than Buffy.

Hollywood snorted. "Yep. Good old Miley. Smiley Miley. Just like Miley Cyrus."

The boys looked really confused. "Those are interesting names," Jack said uncomfortably.

"Nice! He means nice names. Miley's a cool name," Spot said, grinning at Note, who blushed and smiled.

"What about my name? Buffy the vampire slayer is awesome, and so am I," Hollywood asked indignantly.

Blink laughed. "Yeah," he grinned. "Buffy is a one-of-a-kind name. I like it." Hollywood beamed, pleased that someone appreciated her totally fantastic code name, and especially pleased that it was Blink. Not that she liked him or anything. Nope. Not at all.

"Well, Miley and Buffy!" Mush was really just too cute for words. "Since your brothers are apparently the worst hosts ever, how'd you like to hang out with us?"

Hollywood bounced. Shopping with Sarah could wait. She was actually dressed as a girl for the first time in ages. Some opportunities had to be taken advantage of. She looked over at 'Miley' who had obviously reached the same conclusion. "Well, what's there to do around here?" She asked, smiling coquettishly at Blink.

Thirty minutes later, Note winced as her neon golf ball hit a pink elephant's foot, bounced out of the course, and landed in a pond. She grimaced. Mini golf was not her thing.

Hollywood snickered and sneered at her. "Watch and learn, loser." She prepared for her swing. "By the way, you suck."

"You swallow, slut," Note responded, and cackled as Hollywood's ball went way off course and smacked into a car in the parking lot, setting off its alarm.

"Hey, Note—I mean, Miley—that was totally your fault! I am so super good at this. I should get a redo." Hollywood snagged Race's ball

Race glared at her. "God. Everyone takes everything I want!"

Mush clapped him on the shoulder. "It's just a golf ball, Race. It ain't a big deal."

Hollywood swung again. This time, her ball hit a tweenage boy at the hole ahead of them. Note collapsed onto Spot, laughing hysterically.

"I'm so sorry!" Hollywood called out to the irate middle schooler. Blink jogged over and retrieved her ball.

"Here." He handed her the ball, grinning. "If you ask me, that kid got what was coming to him."

"You didn't like his stupid hair either? Because it sort of defied gravity and that was really not okay with me."

Blink laughed and glanced at the boy, whose hair was, in fact, a bit on the unnaturally stiff side. "Uh, not quite. But, earlier, when you walked in, he was totally checking out your ass."

Hollywood squinted in thought. "Is that even allowed? I mean, he's like twelve. Could that be considered statutory rape? Because that's awkward. Plus I'd have to go to jail."

Note smiled to herself as she listened to Blink and 'Buffy' figure out what her prison name would be. They had just decided that "Double Fisted" was a tad too suggestive when Note started to laugh out loud.

"So, it seems like Blink's met his match," a voice murmured in her ear. Note whirled around to find Spot smirking at her.

"By the way, I think I've figured out your secret." He grinned at her and she panicked.

"What are you talking about? We don't have any secrets. Nope, no secrets here. This is Honestville. City of honesty. Yup. Truth abounds. I hear that it sets you free. So, what do you mean by secrets? Because, you know, Holl—Buffy—and I don't have any," Note stammered, trying to force an innocent smile onto her face.

Spot laughed. "I just meant that Miley and Buffy probably aren't your real names."

Note died with relief. "Oh, yeah. They aren't. But don't ask me what our real names are, because—"

Spot cut her off. "You'd have to kill me?" He asked with a smirk.

"No," Note said, breezily. "I'd have to rob a bank and blame it on you. And then put a wild liger in your bed with you. No biggie."

"Well, that's no good. I'm totally allergic. So, what's with the codenames. You guys super secret spies, or something?"

Note laughed. "No, Buffy always gets really into whatever TV show she's watching. I guess she decided to be all antiTwilight, so she started watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." It's apparently going very well. But, no worries. I'm happy it helped her grow out of her "Gossip Girl" phase. She kept sending me crypt text messages, like 'spotted: k eating a bagel. i wonder who will fill her hole in the middle. you know you love me. xoxo, gg.'" She suddenly became very aware of Spot's eyes and the amount of rambling she had done. "So, um, yes. The end."

AN: Hey! It's Hollywood. Note is verbally molesting my brother right now. He's fourteen. So that's cool. And normal. And functional. GO GO GO NOTE! And by 'GO GO GO NOTE!' I mean, STOP. But it's all a matter of semantics. Anywayz…this chapter is short, but since it's summer, we are in the same zipcode! So, we can actually talk! And update! But we probably won't because I hate her. FUNFACT! I actually AM obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That is not even a semblance of a lie. Also, we went on a 'prison name generator' to come up with 'Double Fisted." So, obvs, I recommend you trying that out.

Oh! We have a fun game for you. It's called: GUESS! (not the clothing brand.)

(DOT)com/photos/28995154N04/4689539104/

umm, so c/p that shit and put a period where it says (DOT)

this is a picture of me and note. So I want YOU to guess who is who. If you are right, I will grant you three wishes. But you can't wish for someone to die, come back from the dead, or someone to love you.

KTHXBI.


	14. Abort

Race looked deep into Note's eyes and declared, "I just think I'm in love. This seems like the real thing, you know?"

Note's jaw dropped. It was very dramatic. "Wait, what? _Really?_" At the sight of Race's disappointed face, she backpedaled. "I mean, feelings are good and all, but doesn't this seem sudden?"

_Wait, what? Okay, pause. Alright, rewind. Rewind…OKAY, STOP. Play._

Hollwood grinned. "Oh my gosh, you should see season five. Like, it's amazing. Because in the beginning, you are all okay, fine, Riley. You are sort of attractive, but I have had enough of you. Then, there's SPIKE and you go all…"

_Okay, pause. This could take some time. Let's just fast forward at, like, half speed._

Hollywood talks about Buffy. Note, along with everyone in a five mile radius (besides Blink, because he sort of loves her, but whatever), gets annoyed and makes a comment. Hollywood's eyes narrow. Uh oh. Mini golfing gets boring, because, really, how long can you spend playing mini golf? They decide to take cabs back. Hollywood, using her specific type of genius, which only shows up when she is very upset, manages to manipulate Spot into her cab, leaving Race and Note alone. In a normal situation, this would be fine, but Note only has so long with Spot before she has to be a boy again and she would like more chances to sneakily seduce him. Friendship faux pas, Hollywood. You are a frenemy.

_Okay, let's slow this back down to normal speed. And…play._

Race slumped in his seat. "Well, this girl…she's always had this thing for Jack. And I know she doesn't even notice me. She's just so beautiful, and caring, and classy…"

Note gaped at him in blatant disbelief. "Caring? _Classy?_ This _is_ Sarah we're talking about, right? God, classy is just about the last adjective I'd use to describe her. Well, no, the last word I'd use would be charming, but, whatever." Race had frozen and was currently staring at her like she had three heads. "Don't look at me like that, buddy-boy. You didn't even notice her until, like, yesterday. What?" she asked, annoyed. Race was still gaping at her.

"How do you even know who Sarah is?" Race asked her, his forehead furrowing in a way that made him look like a four year old. "And how would you know what she's like? And…and maybe she looked really pretty yesterday, but I noticed her before that!" Race was becoming increasingly agitated, but with his brow still furrowed, so he resembled a four year old on a serious sugar high. "And there's no way you could know that I spent most of yesterday daydreaming about her! You can't know that!"

Note shrank away from him and attempted to think, which was hard because her brain kept saying, "Abort! Repeat, abort! You are panicking! Your friend-who-knows-you-as-a-boy is also your friend-who-knows-you-as-a-girl and now is your angry-friend-who-suspects-that-you-may-actually-be-your-brother-so-you-are-a-girl-pretending-to-be-a-boy! Abort!"

_Wow, this is dramatic. Gosh. Let's take a break and check out the deleted scene in Hollyood's cab. Okay, menu. Bonas features. Deleted scenes._

"And season six is so great. I mean, it's kind of a downer because Giles is gone and off in England. And Buffy is all sad and depressed, due to the whole death thing." Three guesses on what Hollywood was talking about.

"Cool." Spot said in a monotone. He was still kind of confused about how he ended up in this cab with this crazy girl. He was kind of planning on sitting super close to Note and then when they went over a bump in the road, he could 'accidentally'…

"What about Willow? Isn't she Buffy's best friend?"

Spot glared at Blink. He was in the middle of a lovely romantic fantasy and the stupid pirate had to go and ruin it. If he didn't watch it, soon he would have to wear two eye patches. He could totally make it look like an accident, too. They'd just have to go over a bump in the road and he could 'accidentally'…

"Oh, yes. She even brings Buffy back from the dead. They're best friends, just like me and Miley…" Hollywood trailed off. She actually felt a bit bad for separating Spot and Note, since they would soon have to be boys again and all. Plus, Note would never give this up. She'd be at Hollywood's funeral and be all like "FYI, she totally ruined my life. So we shouldn't even feel bad about her dying. Me, on the other hand, I got a splinter today. So, let's focus on that."

Since she didn't want her funeral ruined, she sent Note a quick text.

_Cool! Well, that was pointless and stupid. Also, the scenery outside of the cab looked totally fake. Fucking greenscreen. Let's go back to the main story._

Note was panicking. This was not a good situation. Race looked a bit like he was on the verge of figuring out their secret and she was not ready for that.

"The only way you could know all of this is if you were there, like, at the school. And the only way that could have happened would be if…"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU."

Note looked at Race. Race looked at Note. _Well, hell,_ Note thought, _might as well go all in._

"WHAT?" yelled Race.

"Yeah! Love! I looooove you, Racey," Note told him, climbing towards him in the cab. He kept scooting away from her, looking terrified. "I've been, um, stalking you! For, like, ages. Yep. Stalking. Mmmm, what fun." By this point, Note was straddling Race's lap and awkwardly patting his head.

"So, yes. Well, now you know. All the cards are on the table. The table of love. Because I love you. Passionately. And with all my heart. So, my heart is really the table. The I am laying my love out for you on. So, yeah."

Race made a strangled sound. Or he may have asked Note if she was crazy. Either or.

"I think the time for talking is over." She placed her finger across his lips. "It's time for something else." She leaned down awkwardly and puckered her lips.

Suddenly, like a gift from God, or an oasis in a desert, or a unicorn in _Barbie in Swan Lake,_ Note's phone vibrated on the seat next to him. He grabbed it to distract her and read it aloud.

"'Hey, sorry for separating you and lover boy, but think about it, tomorrow you'll be measuring his inseam. You'll be a boy, though, but a little action's better than none, eh? Winky face. PS. Please don't ruin my funeral.'" Race looked up, "Wait, this means you're…"

Next thing Note knew she was standing on a street corner, yelling at the retreating taxi. "YOU BROKE MY HEART, YOU JERK. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT IS TOO PAINFUL. AND ALSO AWKWARD. SO, LET'S JUST PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED AND EVENTUALLY MY HEART WILL HEAL."

She turned around and realized that the cab had dropped her off by an elementary school that had just let out of school. So, there were just about a hundred young children and their parents looking at her in complete terror.

"So!" She clapped her hands. "That is why you should never do drugs. And look both ways before you cross the street." Then she ran away.

_And…pause. Let that sink in for a second. Now let's switch to the magical world of Hollywood's cab._

"Hey, my phone's ringing!" Hollywood opened her shiny cell phone (all good things are shiny and/or bright) and answered. "Hello!"

"I punched Race."

Hollywood dropped her phone. "Well, hey, _bro_. My brother. What did you do that for?"

Note was nearly hysterical as she summarized the 'Cab Incident.' "So, Race almost figured everything out, so I told him I stalked him, and then there was straddling, and patting, and then I tried to kiss him, but then the text with the winky face, and then he knew, and then I punched him. And then I got kicked out of the cab. School children!" Note paused for a breath.

"Woah, brother of mine, calm down. Directions, please." Hollywood covered the mouth of the phone and whispered to the boys, "I'm talking to my brother." They both stared at her like she was completely mental. Which she totally wasn't.

After she hung up, she announced, "We have to go get Miley."

More staring. Hollywood still wasn't mental. Hopefully. "Wait, what?" asked Spot. "Did your brother tell you that? Why would he know that?"

This was bad. Time for on-the-spot thinking. "They're dating!" she burst out, extremely pleased with herself. "Yep, dating. For, like, ages and ages. Miley and that brother of mine. Dating."

Spot narrowed his eyes. On a normal person, it would look intimidating, and sure, Spot looked intimidating, but he also looked extremely attractive, which disoriented Hollywood temporarily.

"What do you mean, _dating?_"

Hollywood blinked, attempting to focus. "Oh, you know, it's pretty legit. Facebook official and all."

Spot scoffed. "I'm surprised, I just didn't think she was in his league."

"What do you mean? I think my brother is super attractive." The minute it left Hollywood's mouth, she regretted it. "I mean, not in a _Flowers in the Attic_ kind of way. Just, you know, um. We have to go get Miley."


End file.
